'Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!' - Season 2, Episode 17
After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the hospital, where he keeps hitting on his doctor, unaware he's dated her before; Berta is fed up with Jake's inability to use the bathroom properly.
Air Date: February 20th 2005.
Charlie: (writhing on floor) New plan—I need someone who can give me drugs.
Berta: I'm not holding, but I can make a coupla calls.
Alan: Drugs just mask the problem.
Charlie: Fine. Mask it. Throw a cape on it, and let it fight crime. I just want it to go away.
Alan: (About Jake being a slob) I'll talk to him.
Berta: Well, while you're at it, you may want to mention the half-eaten egg salad sandwiches in his toy chest, the dead marine life in the back of his closet, and the booger collection under his bed!
Alan: I'll do my best to address your concerns.
Berta: Don't condescend me, Zippy. I'll snap you like a butter bean.
Berta: Here, this is for you.
Alan: (Confused) Um, thank you. And I didn't get you anything...
Berta: It's your kid's toilet seat. It's obviously in his way, and I'm tired of cleaning it!
Alan: Oh, come on, Berta, he's eleven.
Berta: He's a pig!
Alan: It's like talking Shakespeare to a tree.