Charlie: I'm still sleeping here, could you come back in a little while?
Berta: I could, or you could get your pampered ass out of bed and let me do my demeaning job and get on with my hellish life.

Jake: Thanks for helping me with my book report, Prudence.
Prudence: Oh, no problem. Fourth grade stuff is easy for me.
Berta: Should be, you did it twice.

Jake: (about Prudence) Boy, she smells good.
Berta: Yeah, if you like Camel Filters and pheromones.

Charlie: Berta?
Berta: No. It's Liz Hurley, but I'm holding water.