Charlie: Hey, Berta, where do we keep the spaghetti strainer thingy?
Berta: It's called a colander. What do you need it for?
Charlie: It's not for me. It's for Chelsea.
Berta: OK, what kind of Martha Stewart freak show you got going on up there?

Chelsea: What the hell did I just swallow?
Charlie: A one-bedroom condo.
Chelsea: What?
Charlie: I put a diamond ring in your champagne glass!
Chelsea: Why?
Charlie: What do you mean, "why?" I was gonna propose and I had no idea you'd chug it like a Jell-O shot!
Chelsea: That was a ring I just swallowed?!
Charlie: Hey, who drinks champagne like that?
Chelsea: I was thirsty! Stop yelling at me!
Charlie: How in God's name could you swallow it so easily?!
Chelsea: Hey, that's one of the things you love about me!